Ep. 130 Expectations in Marriage with Dr. Chavonne Perotte
Ep. 130 Expectations in Marriage with Dr. Chavonne Perotte
Today we have an interview with life and marriage coach, Dr. Chavonne Perotte. This episode is packed with insights about marriage and you might finish listening and decide to start right back from the beginning again like we did!
You’ll learn:
What it could be like to show up to your marriage with zero expectations of your spouse
How to make requests of your spouse from a place of real love, not frustration
Practical tips for how to manage your mindset in a frustrating situation (hint: it’s not while you’re in the middle of it!)
What it could be like to show up to your marriage with zero expectations of your spouse?
Wait, zero?!
We know zero expectations might sound crazy, but just think of how your marriage could be different if you purged all your expectations. What if instead, you allowed your spouse to show up as his or her own self…just the way they are?
When thinking of certain expectations you have you could ask yourself, “Is this necessary? Is it even what I want to be able to be fulfilled? Could I be okay if this is never fulfilled?”
With expectations, it’s important to recognize your priorities.
Every decision we make is a function of “what is the most important thing to me right now in this moment?”
You get to love that your priority is your priority!
It doesn’t mean it also has to be your husband’s priority. Instead you get to let him be where he is with it. That priority could be your priority too. You get to decide.
How to make requests of your spouse from a place of real love, not frustration
The biggest takeaway we got from Dr. Chavonne Perotte was thinking of requests as invitations. They aren’t a demand, but invitations that are in the best interest for everyone.
Instead of making requests, try using an invitation such as: “This is what I want, is that what you want too?”
Make sure you’re invitation is not coming from a place of resentment or giving them a guilt trip, but out of real love and curiosity. “This is something that I really want, is it something you are also interested in?” If not that’s okay. It’s just an invitation.
It’s also helpful to think of everyone’s best interest and not just for your own benefit. You could ask, “How is this in his best interest too?” or “How is it an opportunity for everyone?”
Practical tips for how to manage your mindset in a frustrating situation
This is a great thing to do BEFORE or AFTER the situation, not during. It’s all about deciding how you want to feel and act ahead of time.
If you can prepare your mindset for certain situations that might come up during the day or maybe situations that occur on a regular basis you’ll then be better equipped to handle those situations in the way that you want instead of acting out in frustration or anger.
Here are a few new thoughts you could try out:
What if this isn’t a problem, but an opportunity to engage him in a different way in the home
I know what I need
Is this necessary?
All of these mindset strategies take time. Think of it as planting a seed. You’re headed in the right direction, just keep practicing. If you want to dive deeper into working on your marriage be sure to check out Dr. Chavonne Perotte’s free resources, podcast and coaching at drchavonne.com
listen below or on apple podcasts & choose episode 130
You can also search The Progress Project on any podcast app including Spotify!
Links Mentioned
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Want to start doing deeper work on your marriage too? Learn more from Chavonne on her website: drchavonne.com
You might also love her podcast: Love Marriage Again Podcast
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Ep. 122 When Things Don’t Go As Planned
