Ep. 62 How To Be An Intentional Parent
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We’re talking about intentional parenting today! What does it mean to be an intentional parent and how can we create a parenting philosophy to guide our decisions and actions?
Here’s what we covered:
Deciding in advance the kind of parent you want to be
Two super important questions: What do I want for my children? And what do I expect from myself as a parent?
The difference between teaching skills and teaching values
How we can be intentional but still relax about making sure we teach them everything they need to know
How to move past feeling overwhelmed with the pressures of parenthood
Links Mentioned in this episode:
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Recap of Episode
Intentional Parenting Is:
Deciding in advance the kind of parent you want to be and develop a parenting philosophy then you’re a lot more likely to be able to create that. You can always be intentional about the kind of parent you want to be.
Intentional parenting means: purposely being the kind of parent you want to be.
You’re not parenting by default or making decision in the moment, you’re deciding in advance.
“For me, it’s exciting to parent with a spouse because the two guides can work together. One child may respond better to one guide, another to the other guide. You can work as a team to create a successful family. “ - Laura
There’s two questions to help you think about being an intentional parent:
WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR KIDS?
What do you want your children to learn from you?
What kind of adults do you want them to eventually be?
How can you equip them with the skills, competence, and knowledge to be prepared for adulthood?
How can you teach or model those specific things?
WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FROM YOURSELF AS A PARENT?
How do you want to treat your kids?
How involved of a parent do you want to be?
Who do you want to BE to them or offer them in the relationship?
What do you need to resolve in your own emotional health to be a more capable parent?
What do you want them to see you do?
What do you need to resolve in your own emotional health to be a more capable parent?
There are times when I see myself react in a way I shouldn’t react. I can usually trace that back to something I need to resolve in myself. Maybe there’s some thought I have about the way my kids should be that’s not actually serving us and me as a parent. Just examining those things that are coming up for us and digging a little deeper, even though it’s painful to do that!
Helping your children with their emotional health:
I love helping children acknowledge their emotions and know that they are allowed to be mad and go through that process and then help them afterward. I don’t think it’s helpful or healthy to tell them that they’re fine or not to be mad. They have to feel those emotions so they can move on. (But of course with boundaries…no hitting, no disrespecting others etc.)
Check out one of my favorite children’s books for little ones: The Grumpy Monkey by Suzanne Lang
We teach our children SKILLS and VALUES.
Skills are often the more practical things, like managing time, money, and emotions, how to cook, do laundry, be independent, etc.
Values determine a person’s eventual character and who they are in the world, traits like kindness, honesty, resilience, faith, curiosity, etc.
“I think there is definitely some overlap between skills and values. By teaching your kids skills, they learn the underlying values. I think values is more about character and what kind of human they are in the world, descriptive words like kind, loving, curious, hardworking, determined, faithful. They become all of those things often through the skills we teach them. Or the principles they learn or the examples that we set. Often the skills lead to the values. “ - Kristin
How to move past feeling overwhelmed with the pressures of parenthood.
It can feel like a lot of pressure to make your kids what they need to be but as we’re talking about these things, I realize our kids will probably have the values we already do.
Kids absorb so much of what we offer them. We don’t need to be overwhelmed by this or think of it as this big long list of things to teach them. But just being aware, having that parenting philosophy of how you want to be as a parent that can keep you guided and direct your answers and behaviors. Then notice when things aren’t going quite right and get back in alignment with that overall philosophy.
It doesn’t need to be overwhelming. You have control over the kind of experience you’re creating for your family and the kind of parent YOU want to be!
“Let go of the things that aren’t serving you anymore and focus on the things that are really speaking to you, that you have control over, and that you can focus on.” - Laura
“I’ve noticed that consistency is key, especially with little kids. I know I’m not going to be consistent 100% of the time but I think there are some things that you can try to be consistent with. Just focus on what those are and try to be consistent with them and I think it will make a world of difference for you, your spouse, and your family. “ - Laura
“You get to choose whether or not you’re overwhelmed. There are ways to avoid that feeling and to replace it with something better. When we lean into that feeling of being overwhelmed, we miss out on a lot of things we can do to feel better ourselves and to have a better atmosphere in our homes. There’s another option. “ - Kristin
Like the episode? We’d love to hear!
What does being an intentional parent look like for you?
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